Living with chronic illness is a special and unique challenge. It can present an an infinite number of ways. It’s easy to end up feeling isolated, overwhelmed, gaslit, and guilty or like a burden. It can be hard to ask for help, exhausting to navigate the medical system for proper care and advocate for yourself. All this, on top of the fact life demands do not stop.

I share some personal experience with this, so it’s an issue close to my heart. I’ve learned things I thought were “normal” are not common. I brought symptoms to doctors for nearly a decade before getting a proper diagnosis, which of course is an entirely different issue than getting *care*.

My dedication to learning has been instrumental to improving my symptoms, as well as maintaining a high quality of life. Some of the ways counseling can help a family dealing with chronic illness include:

Pacing and limits: Often, life demands an unmanageable amount of energy and brain power. It is easy to find ourselves in a cycle of pressing on, followed by crashes/flares that set us back. Learning to pay attention to our own needs, much less respecting our limitations and advocating, is challenging, especially combined with ableism, both societally and internalized. I can help you find grounding and practice your voice to establish a higher status quo and practice compassion for yourself in the times we experience setbacks.

Uncertainty outside: There is a lot our medical system doesn’t understand about chronic illnesses, and medical providers often don’t have time to try putting themselves in the shoes of their patients. Knowing how informed the care we’re getting is, whether a treatment path is truly appropriate or accessible, can lead to ruminations on top of enduring. I can help you clarify your personal plan to approach symptoms, advocacy, and care. Sometimes we need to think through questions, quit criteria, order of prioritization, to make next steps manageable.

Uncertainty inside: Chronic illness experiences often change from day to day. This can create an anxiety to avoid flares, and internal gaslighting, questioning if we are “making up” the bad days, just being “lazy” or “avoidant”. I can help you determine metrics to counter these negative thoughts with evidence. Determining gratitude practices that are not full of “shoulds” is nuanced and requires space for grief. I will meet you where you’re at on any given day.

Communication: It’s easy for our worlds to shrink with chronic illness. We can expect and are sometimes told that others are tired of hearing about our unsolvable experience. We worry about resentment, burdens, supports leaving, and sense of relational imbalance. Sometimes having a third party to facilitate conversations with family members can be empowering. Having a safe place to vent about these things, from either side, to clarify our thoughts and the messages we want to send, is helpful.

Identity: acquiring a new diagnosis shakes one’s world view. And as limitations enter, it can become the biggest piece of our identity. Therapy is a place to process feelings about diagnoses, identities, grieve the identities we wish we could have, and explore identities beyond our conditions.

I’m here to help you shrink and tame the elephant in the room.